WOMEN AND SEXUAL AGENCY: “THE WHEN AND WHO OF NO” By Harshita Kumari and Manya Kakkar
WOMEN AND SEXUAL AGENCY: “THE WHEN AND WHO OF NO”
By Harshita Kumari and Manya Kakkar
Abstract
In a period such as this where debates and discussion around agency have taken center stage in academia , feminist movements ( with the #Me Too bringing it to fore) and popular culture ( the movie Pink) it would be worth our time to revisit these debates and discussions and engage with the real-time dynamism w.r.t the question of Agency. We think that Agency in general and sexual agency in particular does not exist in isolation from the larger socio-political space in which humans are socialized. We believe that autonomy and the ability to say ‘NO’ is not an absolute right in practice for many women. We also think that not only the ability to exercise agency is limited by the socio-political conditions for women, we think female sexual agency is also actively circumscribed by performativity of aggressive masculinity by men who too are socialized within a densely patriarchal model. Through comparative analysis of Lipstick Under My Burqa and Parched we aim to establish that female sexual agency is not a polarity of absolute powerlessness viz a viz an absolute right to say ‘No’ – we think sexual agency exists on a spectrum and its exercise and understanding by women is determined by a combination of factors and by the context in which this agency is to be exercised.
INTRODUCTION
The growing corpus of literature and policy that centers around understanding of female agency, in particular sexual agency emanates from societal anxiety around the question of consent and henceforth what constitutes its violation. This general tension and “ambiguity” on what constitutes consent has been amplified in wake of the global #MeToo Movement that started in 2006 by Tarana Burke and saw a revival in the late 2010s in wake of Harvey Weinstein’s Survivor Accounts.
This also had implications for the Indian Society which underwent through its own phase of a #MeToo Movement. Within this period emanated a debated discussion around question of consent, one depicted in the 2016 Movie Pink.
HYPOTHEISIS
This paper does not centrally engage either with the question of consent or with the question of implications of #MeToo Movement in aiding women regain control over negotiating their own sexuality. We think that Agency in general and sexual agency in particular, does not exist in isolation from the larger socio-political space in which humans are socialized. We believe that autonomy and the ability to say ‘NO’ (or ‘YES’) is not an absolute right in practice for many women. We think that the ability to exercise sexual agency is limited by the socio-political conditions for women and through comparative analysis of Lipstick Under My Burqa and Parched we aim to establish that female sexual agency is not a polarity of absolute powerlessness viz a viz an absolute right to say ‘No’/’Yes’ – we think sexual agency exists on a spectrum and its exercise and understanding by women is determined by a combination of factors and by the context in which this agency is to be exercised.
DISCUSSION
Lipstick Under My Burqa (2016) and Parched (2016) are two pictures which approximately engage with the same theme: of four women seeking liberation, getting liberation and the liberation also as one centering for a large part on the axis of sexuality. What is interesting within both these movies is for one the different socio-cultural background that they harbor. Lipstick Under My Burqa is based in Bhopal with a relative “modern” and syncretic culture viz a viz Parched which is based in an orthodox and highly traditionalistic village of Gujarat/Rajasthan. Despite a relatively opposite socio-cultural environment, the commonality of female experience - one that is symbolized in violence, denial of choice and ultimately solidarity in shared experience of oppression is striking.
Sexual Agency comprises the ability to give or withheld consent for a sexual congress, to define one’s sexuality, gender, the right to choose one’s partner etc. We believe that defining sexual agency and its many dimensions are a pre-requisite for further analysis. Bryant and Schofield (2007) state that it is through sexual practice that the sexual subject is brought into being: ‘Far from a passive surface upon which sexual scripts are inscribed, the body in sexual action is itself a dynamic force in generating sexual subjectivities’. Tolman (2012) adds that the body generates knowledge about context as well: ‘By embodied desire, we designate sexual and pleasurable feelings in and of the body that constitute a form of knowledge about the self, one’s relationships and one’s cultural contexts or social worlds. Works of scholars like Saba Mahmood (2001) and Quynh Pham on bonded agency is also central in our understanding of sexual agency: Sexual agency is closely connected to the concept of strategic negotiation, or the processes through which people situate themselves, their families and their sexual and reproductive choices in a larger social context (Barcelos and Gubrium 2014). These negotiations move beyond individual interpretations of social reality to a deeper recognition of how social norms, policies, and relationships shape what people think about their (sexual) selves. Agency is also connected to power relations at a macro level, i.e. to morality and to broader structural inequalities (Bay-Cheng 2015; Bettie 2003; Lamb 1997). Laina Bay-Cheng (2015) argues that young women are now not only accountable to the gendered moralism of the virgin-slut construct, but also must adhere to neoliberal ideas of individual liberty and responsibility.
Usha or popularly known as “Buaji” is a widow in her fifties and in-charge of both a household and a successful business – she is both the central figure of Hawaii Manzil and Bhopal’s own ‘celebrity’. Rani is also a widow in thirties, in-charge of her household and the sole breadwinner of a family of three; within her village she commands certain degree of respect and regard. Interestingly both these women have been young widows and hence have been victims of forced ascetism, curb on sexuality and the general social ostracization that accompanies widowhood, if not from public spaces , atleast from the choices available to them in context of how they wish to “dress up”, “sexual sphere engagement” “hobbies available” (religious devotion is deemed ideal for widows) – one elaborated articulately in Uma Chakravarti’s work on Brahmanical Patriarchy and widowhood.
The denial of avenue for sexual expression for both these women while may prompt one to argue along lines of “ageism” , but the control of widow sexuality has two-fold argument: one rooted in the direct material gains for the family , tangibly put – property. The other is a more complex amalgamation of individual’s socialization within particular socio-cultural context that in turn infuses them with multiplicity of agencies that ultimately guide their choice. For one, we believe that moral agency and narrative agency that is fed to woman in Indian scenario through idealization of wifely virtues such as one inherent in Sati-Savitri, Pativrata Patni, acts as a self-check mechanism in co-opting female consent to Brahmanical Patriarchy. Given that these narratives also have a strict component of chastity, it is no-brainer that widowhood for women who wish to fit within this paradigm then is marked with suppression of self-desire and in this is situated the female embodied agency. In addition, we believe as Ray and Fine’s work shows that societal expectation of asexuality with aging is also something that guides what can be called the “bonded agency” of these women and hence the inhibitory sexual behavior or sexual behavior that “allows pleasure but anonymity” is then the preferred idiom of expression for these women.
Along the same lines, but in a different age group is 19 year-old Rehana Abidi, a young Muslim Woman from an orthodox family whose idol is Miley Cyrus and she is the “only girl in Bhopal who sings Led Zeppelin”. In a place not very distant is 15 year-old Janaki who is married off to a 17-18 year old boy against her wishes of continuing her education. Janaki is also in love with another boy from her school. Both these women rebel against the social order that is imposed on them, albeit precariously and mostly secretly – in taking off the Burqa to fit in with the “modern seniors” or in cutting off hair to delay/avoid marriage. We believe that these women have of course been socialized in strict gender roles and prepared for a future role of being ideal wives – they still attempt at subverting their predestined faith via exercise of their sexual agency ; though its interesting to note that given the moral agency which as pointed above moves beyond virgin-slut construct but also extends to individual burnt of consequences and in Indian scenario , consequences as one amounting to social ostracization , honor killing and social shaming, these women in this experimentation and negotiation of sexual agency also engage in what CL Muehlenhard calls ‘token resistance’ – thus while one sees inhibitory behavior, it doesn’t emanate from an autonomous choice.
The lives of Leela and Bijli appear to be those of greater sexual liberty. Leela is an ambitious young woman in Bhopal who works at a salon, has entrepreneurial plans with her boyfriend and has a certain degree of sexual and financial freedom. Bijli is a sex worker in a village of Rajasthan, who is shown to be financially independent as well. A striking similarity between both Leela and Bijli, and a possible explanation for their relative sexual freedom, is of that of the absence of a patriarch. They both appear to have greater moral agency, in terms of defying the socially accepted ideas of female sexual desire or pleasure being forbidden. However, we observe that their moral agency does not translate into narrative agency. Bijli is not allowed to be present at her best friend's son's wedding as she is looked down upon and socially isolated due to her work. While Leela's mother tells her that her actions bring shame to her family and forces her into marrying a man that enjoys a good social status. Another layer of moral agency not translating into narrative agency comes through the character of Leela's mother, who poses as a nude model for artists. She might have taken up a socially unacceptable job due to her circumstances, she still believes that a life of a woman who obeys Society's roles and fulfils her role as an ideal wife is better than that of a woman who maybe more sexually liberated or financially independent but socially isolated.
We believe that as individuals women due to their circumstances or family dynamics may at a personal level reject some of society's ideas on female sexuality, but personal rejection is limited by societal structures that pedestalize “Savitri” to the rejection of all others.
Shireen comes from a family where her husband is the only decision maker and has excessive power over her wife, one he continuously reinforces via invoking his socially sanctioned status as “Shauhar”. Shireen is afraid of him, but also respects him for she is her wife and has been socialised into believing the static nature of the power dynamic and hence her situation. Lajjo also comes from a very similar household, where her husband also beats her up, but she feels his actions are justified because she is ‘sterile’. These women are frequently subjected to marital rape and are actively denied any reproductive choices by their husband. However, inspite of a relative lack of any sexual agency, this is not absolute – both these characters subvert these external impositions in different ways : Lajjo sleeps with an ascetic to have a child, Shireen goes and buys condoms – its a different polemic that inspite of their attempts at subversion, these women fail, only to ultimately find the power to question and reject these oppressions. We believe their stories mark the journey of acquiring bonded agency, and realising their identities and aspirations beyond their obligations as wives. Both these women had been conditioned into believing that they must follow the marital power hierarchy defined by patriarchy and always listen to their husbands and keep them happy. However, specific incidents, Shireen finding out that her husband was having an affair and Lajjo realising that her husband knew he was sterile and yet continued to blame and beat her, lead to them questioning these ideas that they had been conditioned into believing. We believe that the ideas or systems that women are socialised into following are only challenged on a bigger scale when the base of those ideologies is questioned at a personal level which maybe guided by certain events.
CONCLUSION
One can read ample symbolism in the movie title and their endings: Lipstick Under My Burqa is suggestive of “rebellion, albeit a little personal” , Parched is suggestive of “dreams that have dried out, naturally”. The parallels of the movie, are compelling – the ending , even so.
The climax of the movies Lipstick Under My Burqa and Parched corresponds with Diwali and Dusshera, respectively.
The general association that one makes with Diwali is one of joy and celebration, and a sense of positivity, however, as the rest of the society celebrates together at fairs and enjoys time with their families, the only reason for celebration that these women have is that of solidarity and a general realization that their problems might be different and that the situation of the other person may seem better, they are all ultimately burdened by patriarchy .In the end, it is within this isolation that woman find solace in each other's company and share a light moment of joy while enjoying a cigarette together. Like the festival of Diwali, the climax gives a sense of ‘homecoming’ – a home of one’s own.
Dusshera is used in a general 'good overcomes evil' symbolism in parched; Wherein, all four women liberate themselves of the evil in their lives, by leaving behind the pervasive patriarchal forces in a show of unexpected courage and strength, one that extends to the gumption of living life on one’s own terms.
By doing a comparative analysis of the movies Lipstick Under My Burqa and Parched and understanding the struggles and desires of the different characters, we observe that sexual agency is influenced by various factors such as societal notions on age, work, power, relationship status, financial dependence/independence, etc. We believe that one type of agency or power does not necessarily translate into another, but the presence or absence of any form agency is not absolute either, it can be achieved or lost at any point. Hence, agency exists on a spectrum, there does not exist a clear binary between the ones that do have sexual agency and the ones who do not. Furthermore, sexual agency is greatly influenced by the various different socio-political factors of the environment/society in which one exists. Therefore, we believe that the personal is political, since a great deal of what influences our actions in the personal sphere is influenced by the political sphere in which we exist.
We understand the limitations of this paper and the extremely niche notion of sexual agency argued here and believe that further potentialities exist in understanding sexual agency beyond one taken by us – for one the question of caste and gender crystallization remains unexplored by us, so does the question of religion and gender.
REFERENCES
- Sexuality of midlife and older women: A review of theory use by Sarah Jen - https://www.researchgate.net/publication/315776063_Sexuality_of_midlife_and_older_women_A_review_of_theory_use
- The Costs and Benefits of Perceived Sexual Agency for Men and Women by Janell C Fetterolf and Diana T Sanchez- https://www.researchgate.net/publication/266627484_The_Costs_and_Benefits_of_Perceived_Sexual_Agency_for_Men_and_Women
Do women sometimes say no when they mean yes? The prevalence and correlates of women's token resistance to sex by Muehlenhard CL1, Hollabaugh LC : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3379584
- On Being Female and Sexual Agency by Pamela Madsen, “Psychology Today” - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shameless-woman/201406/being-female-and-sexual-agency
- Rethinking sexual agency: proposing a multicomponent model based on young people’s life stories by Marianne Cense - https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/14681811.2018.1535968
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