आज कल तेरे मेरे प्यार के चर्चे : Love and Romance in Contemporary Bollywood


आज कल तेरे मेरे प्यार के चर्चे : Love and Romance in Contemporary Bollywood
Sharin D'souza and Farhat Khan

Media is one of the most pivotal agents of socialisation, often shaping, glorifying, demonising and normalising behaviours. Stories in any form have a lasting resonance with people but a lot of literature points towards our overwhelming visual and pictorial neurological roots (Brown, 2015; Dewan, 2015; Molen et. al., 1997). This makes cinema a critical tool of disseminating ideas, creating conversation and sculpting the zeitgeist and culture. Bollywood is the mainstream wing of Hindi (Indian language) cinema, often led by big production houses and dominated by a few big names in the film fraternity. The unforgettable characters, music, scenes, dialogues and dance moves from bollywood movies are a significant part of our collective cultural consciousness. The stories and characters we see, provide a reflection of our society or sometimes an aspirational fantasy to strive towards, behavioural cues of appropriateness, righteousness, desirability and goodness, demarcating boundaries of immorality simultaneously.
Indelibly impactful, Bollywood is part and parcel of popular culture in India, entertaining and influencing individuals in direct, indirect and subliminal ways. Like all parts of our culture, patriarchy and all forms of inequality run deep in the Bollywood. Infamous for gender based discrimination at all levels, the industry also holds a reputation for male centric storytelling, often sexualising and objectifying women and most often romanticising what are in essence emotionally or physically abusive relationships. In 2015, two women accused a 32 year-old Indian man working in Australia of multiple instances of stalking. He plead ‘Bollywood’ and was acquitted of the charges by the judge. The man claimed that he grew up in rural India, passionately in love with the Bollywood movies in which romance was little more than repeated breaches of a woman’s consent and relentless stalking and harassment. His lawyer said that it was ‘quite normal’ for Indian men to obsessively stalk women (Pearlman, 2015).
In a scenario where cinema, culture and the individual are intertwined so deeply and so consequentially, our research aims to analyse, critique and question the representation of romance, love and intimacy in contemporary Bollywood. The paper attempts to deconstruct, understand and wherever possible, appreciate the portrayal of crucial elements of relationships such as consent, freedom, respect, power, equity and much more. An intersectional inspection of the characters, character arcs, relationships and relationship arcs will be central to our evaluation.
In the same vein, the portrayal of romance in 100 movies (released between 2015- 2019) were observed, coded and thematised to understand significant patterns in contemporary Hindi Cinema. These 100 movies belong to two categories that are explained in the appendix.

Discussion
At first glance it might appear that in many of the highest grossing movies in the past three years, romance is not the central plot line. This may indicate a changing trend in audience interest but this has in no way impacted the volume of movies on love and relationships. Romance continues to be an indispensable part of storytelling and music in Bollywood.
We delineated the following themes after dissecting the portrayal of romance and love in contemporary Hindi movies from the past four years. Each theme is preceded by a song lyric from recent movies, encapsulating the essence of the theme.

Pehli Baar Tumko Maine Jab Dekha Tha’
Nature of Initiation of Romance
The following theme delves into the depiction of consent and boundaries. Who pursues who, when and why, the nature of initiation and reciprocation are essential to unpacking the intent and more importantly the impact of the narrative.
Historically, Bollywood is infamous for romanticizing stalking, and the contemporary depictions are not too far from that. Popular movies like ‘Sultan’ (2016), ‘Toilet: Ek Prem Katha’ (2017) and ‘Badrinath ki Dulhania’ (2017) use this arc to show the initiation of the romantic relationships. These portrayals of romance, also prevalent in hollywood movies, normalize what would otherwise in the real-world be considered deplorable behaviour (Upshaw-Ruffner, 2018).
The dominant representation around the initiation of romance accrues all the power in the hands of the man, whereas it is perceived that the maintaining of a relationship is an equitable endeavour (Sprecher et. al., 2016). In most movies, the initiation still is done by the male partner. It is an interesting reflection on the recurring male gaze in storytelling in Bollywood. The male character often starts staring at the female character and following her, mesmerized by her. A form of sexual harassment, staring and stalking are barriers to women’s agency and act as a mental and physical barrier to occupation of public spaces. The treatment and characterisation of the female love interest in Bollywood movies are often constructed to appease a self-serving patriarchal lens, giving us a romanticisation of less authentic and dehumanising female narratives on screen.
In comparison there are only very few movies in which the woman initiates the romance. In Kedarnath (2018), for example, it is Sara Ali Khan’s character flirts with and pursues Sushant Singh’s character. MacGregor and Cavallo (2011) stated that women’s intention to initiate a relationship peeks under high personal control conditions. Women asking men ‘out’ is not considered favourable, because books such as The Rule (1995) states that women who play ‘hard to get’ always get the guy, whereas women who ask men out are seen as too available. A catch twenty-two for women’s sexual agency, ideas like this are deeply embedded in our culture and cognitions, reinforced by different social agents everyday. It is interesting to note that in many cases where the woman who holds equitable power in the pursual or reciprocation of love, she comes from a high caste, religion and/or class background, who enjoys a considerable amount of clout and privilege in society. The inequitable power dynamics with respect to religion, caste and class that alleviate the woman’s social and economic position in comparison to the man would, to an extent, allow a toppling of the traditionally gendered aspects of initiation and pursual of such relationships, but not without aggressive backlash from the same classist, casteist patriarchal structure.
The last few years have seen an increase in the revival of the romance-after-arranged-marriage trope in Hindi cinema. Raazi (2018), Sonu ke Titu ki Sweety (2018), Shaadi Me Zarur aana (2017), Dum laga ke Haisha (2015) are all stories that focus on arranged marriage and a development of romantic, intimacy and understanding after it. Arranged marriages are largely seen in a negative light but the portrayals in these movies show a different side to arranged marriages, which challenges the dominant narrative.
Love at first sight is a common phenomena in Bollywood. The scene where the man sees the woman for the first time is often over-dramatised and romanticised, focusing specifically on the man’s perplexion by the woman’s ‘beauty’. A research conducted by Zsok, Haucke, De Wit, & Barelds (2017) found evidence in support of this phenomenon. They found that a strong attraction to ‘beautiful’ people governs a large part of media portrayals. They also found that this phenomenon is a more recurring with male characters, as can be seen in our numerous movies such as ‘Dilwale’ (2017), ‘Padmaavat’ (2018), and ‘Welcome Back 2’ (2015). The beauty standards in Bollywood are also highly eurocentric and patriarchal, with most female ‘love interests’ being thin, fair and lovely.
Boundaries in relationships and consent are subjects that still do not find representation on screen for the most part. Issues regarding consent and women’s rights were powerfully presented (conceptualised, written and delivered by a man) in the movie ‘Pink’ (2016), wherein the dialogue ‘No means No’ became extremely popular amongst the masses. There is a need for Hindi cinema to delve deeper into the these subjects and explore them from more nuanced perspectives.

Oh Bolo Azadi’
Nature of Mutual Respect and Freedom in the Relationship
Communication, trust, respect, support and agency are all really vital elements of a healthy relationship. Evaluating the wholesome or toxic nature of relationships on the big screen, is key to understanding the magnitude of influence and normalisation of behaviours.
Many contemporary movies show progressive and empathetic communication patterns between couples. Both the partners are shown to have a somewhat equal say in decision making and a certain level of transparency can be witnessed in their conversations. For example, movies like ‘Sui Dhaaga’ (2018), ‘Manmarziyaan’ (2018), ‘Veere Di Wedding’ (2018), and ‘Love Per Square Foot’ (2018) both partners communicate their differences and handle them without dramatizing it, and value each other’s opinions. Accepting and respecting each other’s feelings is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship (Twardowski, 2017).
A progressive post marriage narrative was seen in ‘Tumhari Sulu’ (2017) in which Manav’s (Vidya Balan’s husband) continuous and mostly unwavering support towards Sulu and her zeal to pursue her passion.
Having said that there is no dearth of movies depicting controlling and toxic relationships. Ae Dil Hai Mushkil (2016), Badrinath ki Dhulania (2017) and Sanju (2018) have severely degrading central romances, where the man’s journey from misogynistic ignorance to self discovery is framed as a virtue, negating the emotional and physical abuse of the woman. The storyline makes the man the central recipient of the audience's empathy, using the woman as a plot device and completely undermining her experience.

Ae Dil Hai Mushkil’
Relationship Arcs: Framing of Disagreements and Hurdles
Dealing with differences is a defining aspect of relationships. The following theme talks about the relationship arcs depicted in bollywood. Who and what is framed as good or bad and what is acceptable behaviour in response to disagreement are questions that shed light on the dos and don'ts of a relationship that Bollywood endorses, prescribes and ultimately normalises.
In a healthy relationship, conflicts are seen as a opportunity to learn and grow with one other, thus conflict resolution is an important aspect of any intimate relationship (Twardowski, 2017). Conflict in most of the movies is followed by taking a ‘time-out’ from each other, realising one’s mistake, apologizing and finally, living their ‘happy ending’. In movies like ‘Sultan’ (2016), and ‘Toilet: Ek Prem Katha’ (2017), this pattern can be observed. Use of open discussion and concern for one's partner mediates the association between intimacy and relationship satisfaction (Sanderson and Karetsky, 2002). As was presented in these movies, there was a lack of open discussion between the protagonists, which heightened the tensions between the two parties. On the other hand, in movies like ‘Manmarziyaan’ (2018), ‘Tumahri Sulu’ (2017), the medium of open dialogue helps one in finding mutual acceptance of one another, and in strengthening the relationship as well.
A problematic extent of not resolving conflicts was best depicted through the movie, ‘Tanu Weds Manu Returns’, in which due to the indecisiveness and stubbornness of the protagonists, another character’s life was disturbed. Although they end up reviving their marriage by the end, the jury is still out on whether they should have. The notion that gets perpetuated through such a narrative is that even if you make each other miserable, marriage means sticking together and finding your way back to each other, despite the collateral damage or emotional toxicity.

Sajan Bade Senti’
Nature of Emotional Intimacy
This theme tries to explore the nature of emotional intimacy in contemporary Hindi cinema. Emotional support, empathy and sensitivity are cornerstones of healthy relationships and encourage personal and interpersonal growth and development. Understanding how emotional intimacy is depicted helps us dismantle the characterizations of gender, identity and mental health.
Reis and Shaver (1988) suggest that interchange of empathetic responses and self-disclosure are central to a healthy romance. In recent times ‘Masaan’ (2015) provides a peek into formation of a healthy relationship through emotional intimacy. Vicky and Shweta’s characters fall in love and grow together, to the extent that Shweta was willing to fight this caste-based society to stay with Vicky. ‘October’ (2018) is an interesting example to understand empathy and sensitivity in a relationship, which portrays a non-professed and unconditional love on the part of the male protagonist. It was also refreshing in its representation of disability in the context of human love, sensitivity and concern.
Typically the narrative follows the course of meeting, falling in love, facing a hurdle and eventual resolution. The subtle nuances of a relationship are sometimes covered by a song. Filmmakers intertwine emotion, music and drama to convey emotionality and emotional bonds. Songs like Moh Moh Ke Dhaage, Pehli Baar, Samjhawan and Nazm Nazm are great examples of this.
In movies like ‘Raees’ (2017), and ‘Judwaa 2’ (2017) the relationships are visited in a superficial manner with no observable character arcs for the female character. They only exist in relation to the male lead and the purpose they serve in connecting plotlines.
Mental Health as a subject is almost never touched upon in Bollywood. Dear Zindagi (2016) talks about mental health struggles but its representation of therapy was not only inaccurate but also highly misleading. Tamasha (2015) is also widely acclaimed for talking about selfhood, identity crisis and relationships but with the template of a man’s coming-of-age story, the female lead only exists to trigger the realisations of the rigid man. While there is a lot of room for emotionality in Bollywood, there doesn’t seem to be any emphasis on emotional well-being and professional help for emotional distress.

Ek Ho Gaye Hum Aur Tum, Toh Ud Gayi Neende Re’
Nature of Sexual Intimacy
Sex, sexuality and sexual intimacy are not the most openly discussed subjects in India. The role of Bollywood in destigmatising the conversation with an inclusive, sex positive and body positive approach to storytelling is exceedingly important. Thus, this theme investigates the on screen representation of sexuality and all its operational elements in a relationship.
The most problematic narrative with respect to this theme can be seen in movies such as ‘Great Grand Masti’ (2016), ‘Mastizaade’ (2016), and ‘Kya Kool Hain Hum 3’ (2016) where there is explicit sexual objectification of women. Jokes with different layers are cracked at the expense of women, their bodies and their sexuality in these movies. Over sexualization of bodily features, from the bosom to the butt are widespread in bollywood. Portrayals such as these lead women to internalize an observer’s view as a primary perspective of their physical self. This phenomenon has been well captured by the sexual objectification theory as given by Barbara Fredrickson and Tomi-Ann Roberts (2006). Such a perspective on self can lead to habitual body monitoring, which, in turn, can lead to an increase in women's experiences of anxiety and shame, reduce opportunities for peak motivational states, and diminish awareness of internal bodily states. Objectification of women is prevalent in most bollywood movies, but it is not as rampant as shown in movies stated above.
Considered a path-breaking movie, destigmatising the idea of older couples having an active sex life, ‘Badhaai Ho’ (2018) was a progressive representation which did not ridicule the concept, but rather presented it in a dignified and nuanced manner. ‘Lipstick Under my Burkha’ (2018) also showed us a complex narratives on gender sexuality and identity in India, emphasising on age, class, religion, and other intersections that cumulatively oppress women. Similarly in the movie ‘Raazi’ (2018), the relationship between the two protagonists matured slowly and subtly which ultimately led to a growing emotional intimacy. The build-up was shown as a natural progression after an arranged marriage in that time period, instead of a glorified first ‘wedding night’.
However the dominant discourse in contemporary cinema around sex has become ‘casual’ where it is depicted as not ‘a big deal’. Movies like ‘Ok Jaanu’ (2017) ‘Befikre’ (2016), ‘Andhadhun’ (2018), and ‘Veere di Wedding’ (2018) prominently show this pattern wherein two individuals do not have to be romantically involved to engage in a sexual activity. Despite this many of the same movies suggest that monogamous love is the end destination for relationships that start with casual sex.
Dominated by male heterosexual (relatively) upper-caste, upper class narratives, Bollywood needs to diversify its storytelling by talking about sexual minorities and the sexuality and experience of other marginalised sections. Even in movies set in rural set ups, the male leads are almost always upper caste (Bareilly ki Barfi, Badrinath ki Dulhania, Shaadi me Zaroor Ana) or there is a clear invisibilization of caste. In Dhadak (2018), Bollywood’s adaptation of a tragic small town love story, caste struggle has been diluted in to a poorly portrayed class struggle. Hindi cinema’s lack of sensitivity towards caste and its impact on people perpetuates problematic ideas about the same minimising the issue and actual lived experiences of people that don’t find themselves represented in the culture.

Ab Dekho Toh Hum Paas Hai Lekin, Socho Kitni Doori Hai’
Power and Perspective
Our concluding theme looks at the power distance between the characters and the dominant perspectives in Bollywood. The framing and messaging of what love is, what is acceptable in love and what one should feel in love are also questions we will attempt to answer. A feminist analysis of the dominant narratives will also tell us about the prevalent hegemonic gazes and point of views, illuminating the direction of meaningful diversity and inclusivity that the industry must be sensitive to and work towards. Women in bollywood have rather subordinate roles, upholding traditional values, and disseminating community beliefs.
In ‘Ki & Ka’ (2016), there is gender role reversal, however the power structure in a relationship is still maintained, and the ‘traditional’ concept of masculinity is rather upheld rather than questioned.
An influential narrative seen in some of these movies is how the men with basic minimum effort and qualification were able to ‘woo’ women who were overqualified, thus getting involved with ‘someone out of their league’ in the process. ‘Mitron’ (2018), ‘Loveyatri’ (2018), ‘Bajrangi Bhaijaan’ (2015), ‘Dum laga ke Haisha’ (2015) all follow a similar story arc. Felmlee (1993) found that a higher proportion of both women and men perceive that the male partner, rather than the female partner, made more of the decisions, was less emotionally involved, and in general was “getting a better deal” in the relationship. Furthermore, male dominance, but not equality of power between the genders, is associated with greater romantic relationship longevity.
Most Bollywood movies, since time immemorial, have given greater screen time and dialogues to it’s male leads, with women added for the romance angle. Bechdel test, conceptualised by Alison Bechdel in 1985 provides an insight into how movies depict and fare when it comes to narrating stories about women. Bollywood in the last two decades has increased the number of female-centric movies, however they are still not nearly enough (Pereira, 2018). From the 100 movies that were analysed only a few of them such as ‘Angry Indian Goddesses’, ‘Lust stories’, ‘Lipstick under my Burkha’ , and ‘Secret Superstar’ (2018) pass the Bechdel test. Although hailed as a ‘women-centric’ movie, ‘Tanu weds Manu: Returns’ did not pass the Bechdel test.
Even as ‘Gully Boy’ (2019) and ‘Ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga’ (2019) are broaching struggles of economic disparity and sexual marginalisation, Hindi cinema has a long laborious path to tread. It is important for more minorities to be in positions of power, in production houses, in writer’s rooms, on sets, acting, directing and filming for a move towards more authentic perspectives and representations and a more egalitarian distribution of power in an extremely heterogeneous industry.
The mainstream discourse in society is one which is focusing on inclusivity, problems regarding gender issues, and power structures. Movies are shaped by the spirit of the time, and they in turn shape the notions in society, thus forming and infinite and interdependent loop. While there are some filmmakers trying to shift the the dominant narrative with the changing, a plethora of movies are still following the age-old rules, and only touching such concepts at a surface level.
This research paper is an attempt to encourage audiences and all stakeholders in Bollywood to look at cinema more critically as a medium of entertainment, influence, conversation and resistance.


References
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MacGregor, J. D., & Cavallo, J. V. (2011). Breaking the rules: Personal control increases women's direct relationship initiation. Journal Of Social And Personal Relationships, 28(6), 848-867. doi:10.1177/0265407510397986
Pearlman, J. (2015, January 29). Australian man accused of stalking escapes conviction after blaming Bollywood. Retrieved February 27, 2019, from https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/11377511/ Australian-man-accused-of-stalking-escapes-conviction-after-blaming-Bollywood.html
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Appendix

Category 1: Highest Grossing Movies Since 2015

The following category of movies was chosen for analysis for their large-scale impact on viewers. Intentionally or unintentionally the impact of representation in these movies played and continues to play a large role in shaping and normalizing elements of our culture, everyday life and personal consciousness and psyche.

Rank
Title
Worldwide gross
Year of Release
1
Dangal
2,209.3 crore (US$310 million)
2016
2
Secret Superstar
977 crore (US$154 million)
2017
3
Bajrangi Bhaijaan
933.08 crore (US$151 million)
2015
4
Sultan
631.25 crore (US$88 million)
2016
5
Sanju
586.85 crore (US$82 million)
2018
6
Padmaavat
585.87 crore (US$82 million)
2018
7
Tiger Zinda Hai
570.83 crore (US$87.32 million)
2017
8
Prem Ratan Dhan Payo
432 crore (US$67 million)
2015
9
Dilwale
408.15 crore (US$64 million)
2015
10
Simmba
400.07 crore (US$56 million)
2018
11
Bajirao Mastani
356.2 crore (US$56 million)
2015
12
Thugs of Hindostan
335 crore (US$47 million)
2018
13
Hindi Medium
334.36 crore (US$51.35 million)
2017
14
Toilet: Ek Prem Katha
316.59 crore (US$48.62 million)
2017
15
Golmaal Again
311.05 crore (US$47.77 million)
2017
16
Raees
308.88 crore (US$47.43 million)
2017
17
Race 3
303 crore (US$42 million)
2018
18
Baaghi 2
253.18 crore (US$35 million)
2018
19
Tanu Weds Manu: Returns
243.6 crore (US$38 million)
2015
20
Hichki
239.79 crore (US$33 million)
2018
21
Ae Dil Hai Mushkil
237.56 crore (US$33 million)
2016
22
Judwaa 2
227.59 crore (US$34.95 million)
2017
23
Badhaai Ho
221.44 crore (US$31 million)
2018
24
Rustom
216.35 crore (US$30 million)
2016
25
M.S. Dhoni: The Untold Story
215.48 crore (US$30 million)
2016
26
Tubelight
211.14 crore (US$32.42 million)
2017
27
Airlift
209.97 crore (US$29 million)
2016
28
Pad Man
206.57 crore (US$29 million)
2018
29
Badrinath Ki Dulhania
200.34 crore (US$28 million)
2017
30
Jolly LLB 2
197.33 crore (US$27 million)
2017
31
Raazi
195.75 crore (US$27 million)
2018
32
Housefull 3
194.94 crore (US$27 million)
2016
33
Fan
188.04 crore (US$26 million)
2016
34
Welcome Back
168.76 crore (US$26 million)
2015
35
ABCD 2
158.31 crore (US$25 million)
2015
36
Gully Boy*
156.99 crore(US$22 million)
2019
37
Shivaay
152.45 crore (US$21 million)
2016
38
Dear Zindagi
146.29 crore (US$20 million)
2016
39
Dil Dhadakne Do
144.79 crore (US$23 million)
2015
40
Baby
141.26 crore (US$22 million)
2015
41
136.80 crore(US$19 million)
2019
42
Phantom
126.63 crore (US$21 million)
2015
Category 2: Other Impactful Cinema

The inclusion criteria for this category is more subjective and based on our personal cultural understanding of Hindi Cinema and its impact, which is of course tainted with biases stemming from all facets of our identity and experiences as middle class urban feminists. We’ve tried to create a comprehensive list of movies from 2015 that either lived in the cultural consciousness for a long time (due to promotion, music, stories, social media trends, ‘star power’ etc.) or had a different take or a different gaze on romance, relationships, intimacy and love.

Serial Number
Movie
Year
43
Zero
2018
44
Kedarnath
2018
45
Namaste England
2018
46
Loveyatri
2018
47
Andhadhun
2018
48
Sui Dhaaga
2018
49
Lust Stories
2018
50
Manmarziyan
2018
51
Stree
2018
52
Fanney Khan
2018
53
Dhadak
2018
54
Veere di wedding
2018
55
October
2018
56
Sonu Ke Titu Ki Sweety
2018
57
Love Per Square Foot
2018
58
Mitron
2018
59
Tiger Zinda Hai
2017
60
Tumhari Sullu
2017
61
Qarib Qarib Single
2017
62
Shaadi Mein Zaroor Aana
2017
63
A Gentleman
2017
64
Bareilly Ki Barfi
2017
65
Jab Harry Met Sejal
2017
66
Munna Michael
2017
67
Lipstick Under My Burkha
2017
68
Jagga Jasoos
2017
69
Behen Hogi Teri
2017
70
Raabta
2017
71
A Death in the Gunj
2017
72
Half Girlfriend
2017
73
Meri Pyaari Bindu
2017
74
Noor
2017
75
Phillauri
2017
76
Kaabil
2017
77
Ok Jaanu
2017
78
Haraamkhor
2017
79
Befikre
2016
80
Rock on 2
2016
81
Pink
2016
82
Baar Baar Dekho
2016
83
A Flying Jatt
2016
84
Great Grand Masti
2016
85
Udta Punjab
2016
86
Ki & Ka
2016
87
Kapoor & Sons
2016
88
Fitoor
2016
89
Mastizaade
2016
90
Kya Kool Hain Hum 3
2016
91
Tamasha
2015
92
Angry Indian Goddesses
2015
93
Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2
2015
94
Shandaar
2015
95
Singh is Bliing
2015
96
Katti Batti
2015
97
Manjhi- The Mountain Man
2015
98
Masaan
2015
99
Dum Laga Ke Haisha
2015
100
Margarita with a Straw
2015

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